Healing doesn’t come without work and admission

“If there’s no breaking then there’s no healing, and if there’s no healing then there’s no learning.” – One Tree Hill

The other night, I took part in a Fusion Healing Yoga Class at Prizm Yoga & Fitness.

The class combines yoga and individualized energy healing, designed to help you work through your energetic issues and blocks, while experiencing a more open mindset.

Healing has been somewhat elusive to me over the last decade, regardless of counselling and self-help books geared towards changing my cognitive behaviors once and for all.

Yes, they’ve provided me with invaluable tools in order to cope through my daily existence, but I’m not sure any of them provided me with longstanding benefits.

At some point, you settle into normalcy and convince yourself that you’ve been able to overcome circumstances you once battled.

Then one evening, at the end of a Fusion Healing Yoga Class, the energy healer reveals that you haven’t overcome anything.

Armed with nothing more than our names the night before class, she was able to identify energy imbalances for each student – written on a piece of paper and left for us to review.

The energy imbalances she revealed were frighteningly accurate. “Walls up around the heart based on past hurt. Struggles to allow people to support you because of past relationship failure.”

As I sat there reading those words over and over again, it suddenly hit me. My healing was never fully executed. It took the unsolicited words of a stranger to accurately confirm what I’ve been trying to deny for many years, and I assure you the realization was quite overwhelming.

I feel as though I’ve spent much of my life burdened with insecurities – struggling to fit in. With each passing year, with each failed relationship, the walls got higher and higher and soon only a chosen few found their way inside (and thankfully are still around).

But I’m getting too old to continue hanging on to the hurt. I’m wasting too much time shying away from the necessary healing my life so obviously needs.

I know I’m not alone in my feelings, and hope that many of your reading this post will find the strength and the courage to do what I haven’t yet been able to accomplish. But I always say, as long as you’re living and breathing, there’s always time for a change. And now might just be that time.

I came across an incredibly inspiring song today called This Is Me – sung triumphantly by Wicked star Shoshana Bean. It brought tears to this energy challenged writer’s eyes and renewed my hope that healing truly is possible.

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts
I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one’ll love you as you are

But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me