We can endure much more than we think

We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don’t deny it, don’t be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there.

Harold Kushner, When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough

It’s been a week since my grandmother’s passing, and honestly I just don’t feel like myself ever since.

The finality of her time here on earth is something that continues to weigh on my mind, and tug heavily on my heart. I try to go about my day as though it doesn’t bother me – pushing it to the back of my mind so I don’t have to deal with the emotions – but eventually I find myself unfocused and distant as the reality of her departure creeps back into my conscious mind.

I know it sounds crazy, but I wish I had just one more ordinary day with her – one of those nights when I’d drop by her house and she’d make me a cup of tea and put out a plate of sweet treats. We’d talk, laugh, eat and play games – enjoying each other’s company on what would’ve otherwise been just another lonely evening for the both of us.

There’s something about grandparents that’s hard to let go of. Their love is without conditions; their support and care is unwavering; their hugs filled with such pride for the legacy they’ve helped create.

Whether you’re 5 or 45, losing someone you love is never easy. But Kushner’s quote has brought me some solace. It’s taught me that it’s okay NOT to be okay – to grieve the loss and know that the sadness hovering over you won’t last forever.