Everyone wants to be appreciated – stop convincing yourself otherwise

Everyone wants to be appreciated – stop convincing yourself otherwise

Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don’t keep it a secret. – Mary Kay Ash

As human beings, everyone wants to be appreciated. And rightfully so. Our lives are busy and chaotic, which means our time is limited – or should I say, our time is precious.

Many years ago, a psychologist told me that just as employees are evaluated on a yearly basis, it’s important to do the same with our personal relationships.

And while no formal documentation is required, the act of personal reflection is a powerful tool.

For “sometimes, you have to look back in order to understand the things that lie ahead.” –  Yvonne Woon

I’m always astonished, during this time of personal reflection, how surprised the other party is when you suddenly hit the “pause” button on the relationship.

How offended and hurt they seem by the absence, instead of doing some self-reflecting of their own to realize how their lack of appreciation has played a role in the hiatus.

Fred Rogers once said, “Whether we’re a preschooler or a young teen, a graduating college senior or a retired person, we human beings all want to know that we’re acceptable, that our being alive somehow makes a difference in the lives of others.”

We are only given so much time here on earth, and often learn too late that everyone wants to be appreciated for the love, kindness and support they bring to the relationship.

And as we grow older and wiser, they are the kind of people we long to surround ourselves with. Those who value our presence, respect our opinions, are cognizant of our feelings and show a general interest in our time.

Psychologist Ryan M. Niemiec talks about a workshop in which a participant told him, “It feels awkward to spot strengths in a conversation and even more awkward to deliberately express appreciation.”

Niemiec goes on to say, “This can be true for many people. But isn’t that a sad reality, that so many of us find it personally challenging to label a positive, core quality in another person?

A sad reality indeed and yet pervasive in our society today.

Regardless of our emotional abilities, if we fail to recognize that everyone wants to be appreciated and valued, we run the risk of being alone.

For what you’re NOT saying is SAYING a lot.