“I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.”
― Mahatma Gandhi, The Essential Gandhi: An Anthology of His Writings on His Life, Work, and Ideas
It was a beautiful late summer morning, and even though the first day of fall was just around the corner, lingering sunny days and mild temperatures tried to persuade us that it wasn’t the case.
My wife and I were attending my thirteen-year-old nephew’s soccer game, something we try to do a few times during the season. While some might find joy in such sporting events, we often feel disheartened by the behaviors we witness on and off the field, which is why we limit regular attendance. Let me explain.
We hoped that on this particular day, given the infrequency of our attendance, we might avoid some of the drama that so often accompanies youth sports in America.
In my post, “Extracurricular Activities May Be Too Much of a Good Thing,” I highlight that while extracurricular activities can bring value, the culture that pushes our children into highly competitive, time-consuming programs can be detrimental.
I reflect on childhoods filled with unstructured play, stronger community bonds, and less pressure, in contrast to today’s “professionalized” model that can lead to anxiety, burnout, and self-worth tied to performance.
By the end of that post, I challenge parents to embrace balance, genuine enjoyment, and cooperation, guiding their children toward authentic ideals of success rather than the misguided view that winning and being number one are the only measures of worth.
Interestingly enough, that post was inspired by one of my nephew’s previous soccer games (almost a year ago to the day of this writing). I had watched parents yelling at their then twelve-year-old boys to “get aggressive” and “get their head in the game,” cringing at the way they were demeaning their young boys for everyone around them to witness.
Such highly motivational comments from the sidelines always leave me puzzled, especially when they come from parents, those individuals who are supposed to love and support you regardless.
Witnessing violence was the last thing on my mind that beautiful late summer morning, but sadly, that’s what we observed, along with further support of how extracurricular activities can become too much of a good thing.
For most of the game, everything seemed pretty calm, though on several occasions, I saw a group of boys behaving aggressively toward the other team—something I’m told is just part of the game. Really?
However, near the end, two young boys got into a pushing match, and soon the aggression on the field escalated into a physical altercation. I assume that’s just part of the game, too, right?
If that wasn’t bad enough, suddenly the parents from both teams began behaving like their children, screaming at each other with such hate and getting in each other’s faces, challenging one another to a fistfight. And this wasn’t just the fathers—mothers were perhaps the worst offenders!
It was an incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing moment, witnessed by their children, who were watching on as their parents demonstrated how to handle emotional aggression.
Believe me, the lesson was lost entirely on the young boys, which was no surprise given that their parents couldn’t lead by example.
Fortunately, a coach from another team intervened, breaking up the group and chastising the parents for their behavior in front of the children over an inconsequential soccer game.
I still wonder why the coaches from the actual game were merely standing on the sidelines, watching rather than taking action to correct the situation. Their lack of concern tells me this behavior was, sadly, a regular part of the game.
Not being a lover of sports, I admit I don’t understand the aggression that often accompanies them. However, I can easily deduce why so many young adults struggle with insecurity, anxiety, and competitiveness, viewing aggression as a sign of strength.
George Orwell, perhaps best known for writing “Animal Farm” in 1945, once noted, “Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules, and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence; in other words, it is war minus the shooting.”
Powerful words that every parent should consider.
That evening, after reflecting on what we had witnessed earlier that morning, it dawned on me how often society is shocked by the violence we see all around us—the hate and aggression displayed among those merely trying to get by in life.
After that soccer game, we should not be surprised that so many of our children (both girls and boys) are struggling with mental health issues and viewing aggression and violence as acceptable ways to manage their emotions and handle situations.
Growing up, regardless of the activities I chose to pursue, I did so because they provided a sense of belonging—not merely fitting in by changing who I was to be acknowledged, but belonging to a place where I felt truly seen, valued, and accepted for my authentic self.
These activities were the solution to numerous mental health issues, not the cause of them.
I often find myself pondering how parents encourage their children to “get aggressive” at different stages of their lives and how they seem unfazed by such statements. I can understand why a parent might want their child to be strong and assertive, preparing them to manage life independently.
However, I worry that this message can overshadow the delicate and often challenging experiences of childhood. As young teenagers navigate the complex journey of growth, identity formation, and self-esteem development, they require genuine support and encouragement—affirmative words that foster feelings of acceptance and belonging.
This period of their lives is marked by significant emotional and social challenges, making it essential to cultivate resilience and confidence. Instead of promoting a mindset of aggression, which can seep into their adulthood and complicate their most important relationships, we should guide them toward healthier coping mechanisms.
Teenagers deserve to feel empowered in ways that nurture their true selves. They should not be led to believe that violence is an acceptable solution to conflicts.
Engaging in sports is a valuable part of their growth, but for some sports parents, the belief that aggression is necessary for success can be compelling. I urge these parents to pause and reflect: when was the last time you considered the impact of this mindset?
What lesson are you teaching your child through their extracurricular activities? How will that lesson influence their development into adulthood?
Will it shape them into compassionate individuals who contribute positively to society and exhibit humility, or will it encourage a cycle of aggression, conflict, and violence?
The latter seems increasingly likely as we observe a growing number of young adults who struggle with resilience, belonging, and a fundamental understanding that violence creates more problems than it solves.
We must recognize that every choice we make, especially as parents, carries significant consequences. We must teach our children the values of empathy, respect, and constructive conflict resolution rather than simply following societal norms or trends.
Lessons are available all around them—from family interactions at the kitchen table to teamwork on the soccer field—and it is our responsibility to ensure children are absorbing the right messages.
By prioritizing positive teachings, we can help shape a generation that is better equipped to navigate life’s challenges with grace and understanding, both on and off the field.