“The only permission, the only validation, and the only opinion that matters in our quest for greatness is our own.” ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
We all seek some sort of validation for the things we do in life.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D on validation, “It’s getting feedback from others that what I do and what I say matters to you. You hear me. You see me. You think of me. You thank me. You acknowledge my accomplishments. You appreciate my efforts.”
It typically stems from our childhood, as we often look to our parents for validation when we accomplish something we’re proud of.
But as we grow older, the cycle seems to persist throughout our adult lives – in our relationships and even in our careers.
Validation can often be crippling to one’s self-esteem and leads to anxieties and insecurities which are often hard to eliminate.
Even the most egocentric individuals seek validation from others around them – though they’ll rarely acknowledge it.
But no one – I can’t stress that enough – no one is perfect. Therefore, to seek out validation for our actions, behaviors and efforts seems somewhat idiotic giving that reality.
Here are a few important things to remember:
- Don’t judge your emotions or look to validate them with someone else. We all have a right to feel the way we feel, and no two people feel the same thing. Once we accept that, we can better deal with our emotions logically. Beware of anyone who believes your feelings are futile.
- Find joy in your own accomplishments instead of making social comparisons. Create a “resume” of your life to see how far you’ve come. I guarantee you’ll be surprised by how many personal advancements you’ve made and rarely praise yourself for.
- How often do we doubt our choices and decisions after we make them, seeking validation from those around us in order to help ease our uncertainties? Look, even the most confident people can be doubters for no one has a crystal ball to tell us the future. While choices and decisions may not always turn out as we hoped, don’t allow uncertainty to paralyze you and avoid seeking other’s validation on what’s already done.
Josh Hatcher once said, “Give it to yourself. Validate yourself. Affirm yourself. Yes, it’s nice to get it from others, but we must build within ourselves the ability to self-affirm.”