I’ll be turning 50 this week – here’s what I’ve learned

I’ll be turning 50 this week.

I remember celebrating my 40th and 45th birthdays, during which I felt somewhat depressed. Although my body still felt youthful, I began to realize that my opportunities to accomplish the things I still wanted in life were no longer limitless, which was a rather sobering realization.

As I prepare to be a half-century old (which sounds like I’m an antique piece of furniture when I say it like that), I assumed I’d feel something significant, after all, turning 50 is a milestone that many people struggle to accept as reality.

I’ve been waiting patiently to see if I would experience any signs of a mid-life crisis, feelings of disappointment about the paths I didn’t take, or nostalgia for a life that exists only in my memory.

As the occasion approaches, I expect my emotions to overwhelm my logic, leading me down a series of mentally destructive paths of “what ifs,” ultimately culminating in the act of blowing out the last celebratory candle.

But here we are, I’ll be turning 50 this week, and I feel surprisingly untroubled.

Yes, I definitely have moments of crankiness and moodiness lately, but if you ask my wife, she’ll tell you that it’s just part of my daily routine. It seems that I come from a long line of cranky, moody people, so it must be hereditary. After all, there’s something to be said about maintaining consistency, isn’t there?

What bothers me the most about this particular birthday is how many people think I should be doing something extravagant and noteworthy to celebrate that I’ll be turning 50 this week.

They believe I should throw a big, lavish party, escape for a weekend of non-stop festivities, or at least take a day off work to do something special.

I suppose I understand how turning 50 is a momentous occasion, but the fact of the matter is that every birthday should be.

One common theme with turning 50 is the invaluable wisdom that you’ve gained from living through the last five decades here on earth. And while it might sound cliché to some, I sit here ready to tell you that it’s 100 percent true.

As we grow older, perhaps around the ages of 50 or 60, something significant changes within us. This shift alters our perceptions of a materialistic and judgmental society and our views of those around us.

We begin to break free from the constraints of our appearance, social status, and accomplishments, and instead, we start to appreciate and find gratitude in the simplicity of a life that is well-lived and filled with unconditional love.

As I celebrate that I’ll be turning 50 this week, I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the experiences I’ve had and the many blessings my life has been bestowed with.

For the first time, I have gained a deep awareness of what truly matters for a fulfilling life and feel compelled to share a few key insights that I believe can inspire others on their journeys, regardless of age.

I’ll be turning 50 this week – 5 lessons

Number 1:

No matter how positive or negative it may have been, the past should never be a place we live in for very long.

Life is a journey marked by both soaring highs and challenging lows. Some moments lift our spirits, filling our hearts with joy, love, and laughter, while others test our resilience and leave us with lasting memories of difficult times.

Everyone faces life’s uncertainties, and whether our experiences are uplifting or disheartening, it’s all too easy to become trapped in the past. Many find themselves longing for better days, caught in memories of what once was, while others grapple with a troubling past that leaves them emotionally stuck.

These struggles can prevent us from fully engaging with the present and recognizing the opportunities that could transform our lives. Clinging to the past, whether with nostalgia or regret, only holds us back.

While we can remember our experiences, we cannot alter them. The key lies in learning from the past and harnessing that wisdom to forge a brighter future. Embrace the lessons learned and move forward, creating the life you deserve.

Number 2:

Preparing for the unexpected empowers us and equips us to navigate the challenges ahead.

Several years ago, I faced a sudden layoff from a job that had been my foundation for six years. It was an unexpected shock that forced me to confront my abilities, achievements, and true purpose in my career.

For anyone who has experienced unemployment, the unknown can be a daunting and unsettling place, and many are not financially prepared to navigate a storm that could last indefinitely.

My wife and I are committed to being financially responsible and embrace a risk-averse lifestyle. We believe in the power of financial freedom, achieved by swiftly paying down debts, allowing us the liberty to make future decisions unburdened by financial stress.

Some critics, including financial experts, have questioned our decision to pay off our home significantly earlier in the loan period. We’ve applied this same prudent logic to our home improvement loans, car loans, and credit cards, with a simple calculation revealing just how much of our hard-earned money goes toward interest payments—money we are not willing to sacrifice.

Importantly, our financial preparedness significantly lightened the load when I was laid off. We had no debt at that time, which meant we didn’t endure the crushing stress that a mortgage or car payment would have added to an already challenging situation.

Life is inherently uncertain, and guarantees are few and far between. However, by proactively making thoughtful and responsible choices during prosperous times, you can drastically lessen the anxiety and worry that an unpredictable future often brings.

Number 3:

Time is not infinite, and the people in our lives will not be around forever.

I believe that many people cling to the illusion that there’s always more time to spend with those we claim are most important to us. This mindset may be a defense mechanism for those who hoard their time, but it ultimately distances us from family and friends who yearn to be part of our lives.

As we navigate our daily routines, we often focus solely on our own needs and desires, conveniently overlooking how selfish our behavior can be and is perceived. We generate countless excuses for why our time is scarce, deluding ourselves into thinking that our loved ones are oblivious to our dismissive actions and the hurt they cause.

While it’s true that we all have commitments and responsibilities demanding our time and attention, we must ask ourselves: Are they truly as important as we believe? Have we lost sight of the fact that the most profound joys in life stem not from fleeting experiences, but from the meaningful connections we share with others?

My grandmother always emphasized the importance of showing others how much they matter—not through material gifts or extravagant outings, but by dedicating our time to them without expecting anything in return.

Remember this: in the end, people will recall the excuses and the absence that defined your relationship, and it’s time to confront the reality that your time is the most valuable gift you can offer someone else. Embrace it and share it generously.

Number 4:

Impressing others with possessions is superficial. Impressing people with kindness and respect is invaluable.

I must admit that I have invested a considerable amount of time, mental energy, and money trying to impress others, whether through the car I drove, the clothes I wore, or the brand names I showcased in my everyday life.

Raised in a humble family that valued authenticity over materialism, I fell prey to a judgmental society that exploits the insecurities of its more vulnerable members, convincing them that gaining approval through superficial means is the secret to acceptance and popularity.

As a shy, sensitive, and creative young man, the allure of impressing others with possessions offered me a means to deflect the harsh criticisms from peers who insisted on rigid stereotypes for masculinity. And for a fleeting moment, I did experience some success.

However, as time went by, I came to a realization: impressing others with material possessions and name brands did nothing to nurture genuine relationships. In fact, it obscured the core of who I am—my kindness, compassion, and respect for others—qualities that truly matter.

I eventually understood that my desire to impress stemmed from deep-rooted insecurities, leading me to mistakenly believe that if I could dazzle others with my possessions, I would finally feel accepted. Yet, I learned that there is a vast difference between fleeting acceptance and true belonging.

Belonging means embracing your authentic self without fear of judgment, without feeling pressured to mask your true identity just to compensate for the insecurities that many of us face.

Ultimately, the superficial markers of success—what car you drove, what clothes you wore, or which brand names you flaunted—will be utterly forgotten. What resonates in people’s memories is the kind of person you were, the confidence you exuded, and how you treated others. That is the legacy you leave behind.

Number 5:

The enduring gift of unconditional love enriches our lives in ways that material possessions and experiences never can.

A thoughtful realization struck me recently, filling my heart with joy on this significant birthday. I’ve now shared half of my life with my remarkable wife and life partner. The richness of our journey together deepens my love and gratitude as we continue to embrace this beautiful adventure together.

While others may lead lives filled with thrilling experiences, my wife and I find our greatest joy in the simple moments we share, no matter the activity. Whether we’re savoring a quiet cup of coffee in our backyard, enjoying invigorating evening walks under the stars, or relishing breakfast outings at our favorite spots, these moments are invaluable to us.

Relationships thrive on simplicity, and it’s the understanding that extravagant occasions and lavish gifts do not define a successful partnership.

Many may find it odd that my wife and I have long stopped exchanging Christmas and birthday gifts. That’s not to say we don’t celebrate these occasions, but the gifts we give each other are infinitely more personal and far more meaningful than anything that could be bought from a store.

We write heartfelt notes to each other, expressing our deep appreciation and affection. These small gestures remind us of our shared blessings and the continuous growth of our relationship, which strengthens with each passing year.

The downfall of many relationships often lies in the fading of newness; routine obligations can obscure our view of the person we committed to love. Yes, we may grow a bit grayer and, perhaps, rounder, with a few more wrinkles to show for the passage of time.

While some may attempt to hide the years with products or diets aimed at preserving youth, we choose to embrace our age and celebrate the 25+ years we’ve spent living, loving, and laughing together, no matter the circumstances we face.

True love is a rare gift, and many may wait a lifetime to discover it. If you are among the fortunate, cherish that gift and never take it for granted. Remember, a strong foundation rests on simplicity, constantly reminding you of the reasons you fell in love in the first place.

One final thought

I’ll be turning 50 this week, and I want to leave you with one final thought from 80s rocker Pat Benatar in her book, Between a Heart and a Rock Place: A Memoir.

“I’ve enjoyed every age I’ve been and each has had its own individual merit. Every laugh line, every scar, is a badge I wear to show I’ve been present, the inner rings of my personal tree trunk that I display proudly for all to see. Nowadays, I don’t want a “perfect” face and body; I want to wear the life I’ve lived.”

Definitely words to live by.