At some point, America has lost sight of what has made it such a wonderful place to call home: the commitment to honesty and integrity in our actions and behaviors.
As my wife pulled into our driveway one late spring afternoon, I was standing at the entrance to our home, eagerly awaiting her arrival home from work. I noticed that she wasn’t pulling directly into the garage, but instead, parking just outside of it, looking somewhat unsettled.
This struck me as odd, as it’s our usual practice to park in the garage, no matter which of our two cars we’re using. When she emerged from the driver’s seat, I could see a look of concern on her face. She confessed that someone had sideswiped our car in a parking lot. At that time, the car was only a few months old.
In my younger days (I turned 50 in 2025), I would have reacted with anger and resentment, often saying things like, “Why does this always happen to us?” These unhelpful comments would only create tension between my wife and me, as my emotions would overtake my ability to think rationally.
Amazingly, I was pretty calm until I looked more closely at the driver’s side of the car, noticing a white streak that started at the back wheel and continued to the front wheel, along with a deep gash in both the front and back doors.
I stood there, shaking my head, preparing to comment on how careless drivers have become lately as they rush here and there without any consideration for the property of others, when my wife handed me a piece of paper. It turned out that the gentleman who hit us had left a handwritten note on the windshield of our car.
“I’m so sorry I damaged your car today in a rush to get out of the parking lot. I take full responsibility and ask that you use my insurance to cover the damage. Here’s my name and cell phone number, so please feel free to get in touch with me when you have a chance. Again, I’m sorry for the trouble.”
Honestly, I was astonished by his admission.
Almost immediately, my anger and resentment began to dissipate when I realized that there are still upstanding individuals in the world—those with honesty and integrity who understand that admitting their mistakes, rather than trying to avoid the repercussions, is the most significant sign of being a success in life.
When I connected with the gentleman, he was apologetic and kind, admitting that he knew it was the right thing to do to acknowledge his wrongdoing and rectify it in any way he could. I remember thanking him for his note and for reminding me that there are still people in this world with character and morals, and that he was one of them.
When I contacted my insurance agent to explain what had happened, he mentioned that this was only the second time in his 21-year career that he had ever heard of someone leaving a note after hitting someone else’s car. He said I was lucky.
I imagined the gentleman above recounting the story of him accidentally hitting our car to his wife and children that night over dinner. What an invaluable lesson he would provide them that evening, about how honesty and integrity define not only who we are in the present but how we will be remembered in the future.
What a gift that their father understood the importance of being a person who leads by example. This is something his children can refer to when they find themselves in precarious circumstances and wonder if they should choose comfort and ease or honesty and integrity when faced with difficult situations that require their individualized attention.
The experience, despite being inconvenient, sparked a crucial reflection within me: in today’s society, honesty and integrity are alarmingly undervalued and often ignored, which raises significant concerns.
Honesty and Integrity Are Gone
Fifteen or twenty years ago, I might not have been as astonished by the actions of the gentlemen mentioned above, as society was much more compassionate, empathetic, ethical, and selfless back then.
However, that’s no longer the case in America.
Witnessing unsolicited kindness and consideration from a total stranger now does feel somewhat shocking, given how much of our society seems to have lost its inner moral compass, and leaders have shifted from “leading by example” to “do what I say, not what I do.”
Actor Jeff Daniels recently appeared on MSNBC’s podcast, “The Best People with Nicolle Wallace,” where he candidly discussed the current state of a country that was once characterized by honesty and integrity among its citizens.
“We’ve lost decency, we’ve lost civility, we’ve lost respect for the rule of law – lost it,” he said. “We have normalized verbal abuse on the internet. We’ve normalized bullying. But ideally, we’re supposed to elect the best of us. Not the worst of us. He’s [Trump] everything that’s wrong with not just America but with being a human being.”
America is experiencing a leadership crisis, from the White House to boardrooms and across institutions and kitchen tables nationwide.
At some point, America has lost sight of what has made it such a wonderful place to call home: the commitment to honesty and integrity in our actions and behaviors. We must inspire future generations to uphold the values of goodness and openness for which so many Americans sacrificed their lives for the betterment of all.
But inspiration has been replaced by authoritarianism.
Britannica.com defines authoritarianism as “The blind submission to authority and the repression of individual freedom of thought and action. Power is concentrated in the hands of a single leader or a small elite, whose decisions are taken without regard for the will of the people.”
If that definition doesn’t sound familiar to you or evoke a sense of uncertainty, please reflect on the lessons from our high school history classes.
Some of the most infamous authoritarian rulers, who each represent a dark chapter in history, include Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Fidel Castro, and Joseph Stalin. Their legacies serve as stark reminders of the dangers of unchecked power and tyranny.
Sadly, many of us, from the White House to boardrooms and across institutions and kitchen tables nationwide, have turned away from what authentic leadership truly is, regardless of circumstance or situation. A true leader:
Demonstrates Unwavering Integrity – Embodies honesty and strong moral principles, acting with integrity even when no one is watching.
Leads with Transparent Accountability – Owns actions and outcomes with openness and humility, setting the standard for responsible leadership.
Champions an Inclusive Vision – Advocates for progress that uplifts everyone, not just a chosen few.
Listens with Purpose – Fully engages with others, genuinely seeking to understand their perspectives before responding.
Empowers Others Through Positive Growth – Nurtures development by uplifting those around them and celebrating their achievements.
Cultivates Respectful Relationships – Builds trust and fosters empathy, recognizing that meaningful connections are a source of strength and resilience.
I guess the real question is, why should Americans settle for anything less than excellence from the White House, in boardrooms, and across institutions and kitchen tables nationwide?
Why does a nation as enduring as America believe it deserves authoritarian leaders, mentors, community members, influencers, and superiors?
Do we think so little of ourselves, our neighbors, and our children that we accept being robbed of our freedoms, denied the truth, and bullied into submission for the benefit of a few rather than for all?
Are we so naive as to believe that any authoritarian leader is selfless in their actions, considerate of our needs, respectful of our differences, or making choices to advance our existence for the better?
History provides us with a powerful lens through which to examine the past, revealing patterns that serve as cautionary tales about the potential for adverse events to recur in the future. By understanding these patterns, we can better prepare ourselves to prevent history from repeating itself.
History also reveals a timeless truth: nothing built on fear, hate, or control truly endures. Leaders who compromise integrity for convenience and wield power through intimidation rather than inspiration may rise, but they will ultimately fade.
Authoritarianism is not a sign of power, but rather a symptom of profound insecurity. Authentic leadership is forged in courage, fueled by empathy, and measured by the ability to unite.
There are still individuals in this world who lead with honesty and integrity, like the gentleman who accidentally bumped our car in a crowded parking lot.
His example, along with the examples of many others whose voices may not be the loudest but whose actions are profound, showcases to the world that there are still good people around. It might take us a little longer to find them.
Author and motivational speaker Brené Brown says it best. “Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.”
Well said. Thankyou!