Impress Others with Who You Are, Not with What You Have

On days when I try to make sense of this nonsensical world, I often find myself lost in deep reflection on various topics. On this particular day, I pondered why we invest so much time and energy trying to impress others, even those we don’t know.

As is often the case, I received some unsolicited wisdom that reminded me of what is most valuable in life. This time, the insight came from a daily motivational message that arrived in my inbox every morning.

“The only way to impress me is by being a good person. I don’t care what you have, what you wear, where you live, or what you drive. I just have a deep respect for people with pure hearts and good intentions.”

From childhood innocence to the awkwardness of being a teenager to contributing to the world as a responsible adult, every age and new situation carries the burdens of insecurity and a fundamental need to fit with it.

The solution to insecurity that many of us turn to without much thought or reasoning is to try and impress others with our knowledge, experiences, and material possessions.

While an incredibly misguided and unsustainable solution, we convince ourselves that our ability to impress others will fill a void by allowing us to feel somewhat superior to others.

And so, the choices we make on where we live, what careers we pursue, what cars we drive, what clothes we wear, or what brands we support are not decided based on need or even the joy they provide in everyday life.

Such choices are determined based on how they will be perceived, or more accurately, how they will impress others in a society that judges its fellow men and women on what they have and not who they are.

Recently, I had a very candid conversation with my twelve-year-old nephew. A conversation that shared with me how difficult it is to grow up in today’s society.

Even at a young age, there appears to be an increasing pressure to impress others with knowledge, experiences, and material possessions. This pressure seems to stem from a desire to combat insecurities and the harsh judgments of others, which seem more prevalent now than during my upbringing.

As a twelve-year-old boy in the sixth grade in the 1980s, when our bodies and perceptions of the world began to change, we all struggled to some degree with low self-esteem and insecurities as an evolutionary part of maturing.

While that might not sound much different than today, it was a decade void of technology. Think about this for a moment.

In the past, there were no cell phones, internet, interactive video games, or social media to distract us from understanding ourselves. In contrast, today, everything feels like a struggle to fit in and to be the very best.

The anxiety that arises from trying to fit in and be the best affects various aspects of a child’s life. This includes choices such as the type of water bottle they use and the food products they carry in their backpacks, which are often influenced by society’s narrow definitions of what is considered popular and acceptable.

My young, compassionate, and sensitive nephew shared with me, with great honesty and sincerity, how difficult it is to fit in at school and with friends. To find genuine and humble individuals who care more about who a person is and less about how to impress others.

The conversation was difficult to hear, mainly because something, whether it’s the proliferation of social media sites created to shame anyone who doesn’t maintain the status quo or the cell phones they’re powered by, has turned twelve-year-old sixth graders into cruel, judgmental individuals who think nothing of cutting someone else down to help lift themselves up.

Yes, we had bullies on the playground back in the 1980s. But even they didn’t behave with the deliberate and damaging depravity of teenagers and even children today.

Something else my nephew revealed in our conversation was the extreme competitiveness that seems to overshadow academics, sports, extracurricular activities, and even one’s appearance.

Now, you don’t just impress others with your knowledge, experiences, and material possessions; your status and ranking are also critical. He even expressed the anxiety often associated with underperforming on a test or not being on the number one soccer team.

Is it any wonder that our children are more anxious than ever before?

As I listened to him unburden himself of feelings that he was obviously hoarding inside until they were too much to contain, my heart was filled with sadness that this amazing little boy was struggling with his mental well-being at such a young age.

Struggling with the duality of wanting to be a person of character and compassion while trying to fit into a world overrun with competitiveness, materialism, and even hate.

But I was perhaps most humbled by what the conversation said about myself and how there’s a part of me, at times, that still tries to satisfy that same need to fit in as an adult.

Adults Impress Others Too

I told my nephew that while it gets easier as we get older, even his Uncle Craig can sometimes lose himself to insecurities, trying to impress others as an incredibly misguided and unsustainable solution.

In early October of 2024, a serious car accident totaled my Audi A4, a car my wife and I both enjoyed and had always longed to purchase. This was our first luxury vehicle, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that, in my mind, it defined my success and status in society.

Even those not knowing anything about my situation in life would look at me driving around and might assume I was in a higher financial echelon.

When the car was totaled, and I found myself driving around in a mainstream Honda CR-V, I felt as though my success and status had disappeared, that this car had come to elevate my self-worth and allowed me to feel somewhat superior to others.

I told my nephew that even at my age, there are times when I allow the eyes of a judgmental society to cloud my vision.

To momentarily believe that my characterization of success was contingent upon what I drove and that parking a mainstream Honda in my garage meant that I was no longer a successful person people would envy.

When I finally regained my composure and opened up about my vulnerabilities to my young nephew, it struck me. If the only redeeming qualities a person possesses is trying to impress others with their knowledge, experiences, and material possessions, those are individuals not worth knowing.

My wife reminded our young nephew and me of something so many of us get confused with as we journey through life.

The goal is not to fit in with a group but rather to belong.

Brené Brown echoed my wife’s sentiment in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection. “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”

I think it’s important to express our vulnerabilities as adults to those who are young and still trying to figure out the world. It shows empathy and compassion toward their feelings and situations while reminding them that even adults can get caught up in a world that judges our value on what we have, not who we are.

This past weekend, my wife and I contemplated purchasing a second vehicle based on some lifestyle changes occurring in 2025. Of course, I was gravitating back to Audi products or more luxury-oriented vehicles as I began researching and collecting data on available models.

But then, my wife kindly reminded me of something I hadn’t considered before.

After sharing my vulnerabilities and emphasizing to my twelve-year-old nephew that people who try to impress others are not worth knowing, what message would I convey if I chose to buy another Audi or some other luxury car that I didn’t really need?

Adults have a great responsibility to the children in their lives. Our responsibility is to demonstrate what is truly important and what is not by revealing our own insecurities and vulnerabilities and teaching invaluable lessons by example.

While my wife and I haven’t yet decided whether we need a second vehicle, I can assure you that my young, compassionate, and sensitive nephew will be top-of-mind when we do.